Month: January 2018

Deep cuts

More on melancholy:

Listening to music,

tonight,

that was seminal

in my twenties.

The words

echoed back through memory,

trying to reinforce

the mood of those times;

they failed.

Time

and experience

have rendered me numb

to these prior aspects.

I’m not sure

that I can be reached,

not by music, anyway…

…anyway.

These albums I listened to

on loop

are all like old photos

of people I once knew:

I recall the moments,

But not why they mattered.

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A one and a two-ah…

I know

that when I die

it will be in January

or February.

These two months,

these awkward hurdles

that start the year,

they vex me.

It’s not the weather

or the lighting…

November and December

do not treat me this way.

It must just be

that the start of the year

carries with it

so much apprehension

of what must come to be

and so much disappointment

over what has been.

In a way,

these two months

are like the scales of truth:

In their eight short weeks

I must weigh out

all of my failings.

I move to put

my thumb on the scale

only to have it

slapped back.

47 year old pottery.

There’s a sadness

associated with listening

to these artists

who shaped

our youth.

Once upon a time

they lit the flame

that roared within us,

creating a furnace

that seared our creative juices

and kept us up too late.

Their latest cuts

are every bit as solid

as the music that informed us

so long ago.

But there is no spark in it

(or maybe no spark

left in us).

All I can do

is listen

and nod along

in an appreciation

of the immense talent

and dedication inherent

in each note.

But my 18 year old putty

has been through that fire

and is now a hardened ceramic

of 47.

Sadly, I am somewhat beyond

such immersive influence.

Sadly.

Live like there’s something, sorta, like… you know… and stuff….

They say,

“live like the Mountain’s out,”

and I try to….

I even have a button

that says the very same thing.

Typically,

though,

I live

like the Mountain’s wearing

a snuggly-hat,

in a house coat,

hanging out on the couch

trying to catch up

on the reruns…

old shows it’s not seeing…

all of that,

you know what I mean.

Actually

I also play a lot of video games.

But I can see

the Mountain from my house,

and that’s always nice.