Month: April 2015

Dimming

Far too often

I go to the darkest places…

I would say a

it’s against my will

but I am in control

and I take myself

repeatedly.

Those I love the most

are those for whom

I cannot stop

seeing

the very worst.

The saddest part

is how selfish

this all is,

for in all my worrying

it is my own lament

I fear the most.

I kill myself,

daily,

with the panic

and histrionics

I am sure I would feel

were the worst

to ever happen.

I am left

unable to find pleasure

in most things

as all I can do is wonder,

“How much will I miss this

if it is gone?”

I must be stopped.

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Disappointing

Far too often
a passing stranger
will look at me
and visibly
sigh…
they are disappointed
and they don’t even
know me.
This is very hard
to take.
What can be
so obvious,
from a passing by,
that it causes them
to feel so let-down
on so little
exposure?
It is slowly robbing me
of composure
and dignity
and that makes me
disappointed
in me…
great….