It is not caring

I would say
that I’m fading
but
that’s not true.
I am stiffening.
I am becoming
a statue…
not even in monument
to any former self,
or glory,
but to my current malaise;
this frozen-form
that mars me.
Nothing feels worth anything,
besides the obvious needs
and my immediate blood,
it’s just an open void
stretching out ahead
and being approached
at a snails pace. 

slipped

Sun rises and passes overhead

at a deafening pace…

I see another day slip

through my hands

with my love and happiness…

go, bastard… go….

Maybe the next one is nicer….

I can’t see anything else

I can’t see anything else

I can’t see anything else

I can’t see anything else

I can’t see anything

I can’t see

I can’t

can’t, can’t….

Be kind

Some time ago

I loaned out my life

and I want it back now…

please.

I’ve got things to do,

and I need it.

I remember a past,

I recall thinking…

I know genius.

I’d like my life back.

Some day soon,

I’ll be great,

and I won’t need this life,

but right now I’m so lost…

I’d like my life back…

please?

Variegated

I can feel the summer wind

call to me again, again

and all I know is I can’t win

and living life’s become a sin…

and I know,

yet I know

that there’s truth

to the rumor

that this is good.

I can hear the winter cry

telling me, “don’t even try”,

it seems unfair if I ask, “why?”

Fall is here, it’s time to die.

Still, I know

it’s all I know

that there’s no truth

to the rumor

that I’m getting by.

Circular

The only pleasures in loneliness

are the thoughts of meeting a companion,

and the only thing worse than being limited

to thoughts of love

is having lost love, and being lonely.

Child

That a 19 year-old boy

has access

to the most important person

in my emotional life

cuts a very deep wound.

When will

I stop

killing myself

and breathe?

Chesty-Blonde-Godess in Art-History 110. (are you a myopic angel, or a near-sighted whore?)

You turn your head

and they’re staring,

intently.

They show interest,

look embarrassed at being seen,

so you look back,

smile… etc.

 

You do your part,

pay attention,

look their way,

try to bee cool…

and then they begin to ignore you.

 

This is a game

whose rules

make little sense

and to be victorious

seems to invite

loneliness.

 

Losing brings serious doubts,

confusion

and a general lack

of understanding.

 

I can’t decide,

now,

if I desire any attention at all,

or prefer being ignored outright

from the beginning!